STAR OF WONDER

I wrote an entire posting and then Carson barked frantically and I tossed my laptop aside and all was lost.  I'm so glad you're out there.  Ron wound up in lousy, bad weather while he was doing what I thought was fixing his toolbox to his truck.  I was busy packing up a care package for his next road adventure. I then saw him grinning and connecting a plug to the power box above our mailbox and I immediately knew what he was doing.  He hooked up my star.  The one he built for me so many years ago.  The strings aren't there yet, Jimmy will connect them this week, but the star is shining bright.  We are the star house...I hope our star sends hope to not only those who see it, but to all of you.

I will be posting some old Christmas letters.  I don't have a lot of old ones so I'm going to be sending out missives to everyone.  I started my Christmas stories in 1981.  How great if I could find them all...quite a story they would tell.

In the meantime, don't let the holidays get in the way of your celebration of life.  We have one another.  That's quite the gift.

To the universe...make a difference in a tiny way this season and, while you're at it, every day. Why not?  Tiny steps.  One by one. Change the world.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Well, the Holidays are upon us.  Ron lied and told me that he was cut loose and on his way “to the house.”  He sounded weird.  Ron is a terrible liar.  The reason he sounded weird is that despite the snowstorms he was headed to Denver.  I talked to him again when he was 20 minutes out.  He’s now sound asleep after putting in a day that started at 5 am and ended with him in our loving arms. 

So here I am, awake at this hour, thinking of all that we have to celebrate. So here it is:  

MY LIST OF GRATITUDE

My parents.  I’m so lucky to be pushing 60 and to not only have them both still alive but vibrantly in my life.  My Mom called me late last night to tell me who won “Dancing with the Stars” because she knew I was boycotting until I knew for sure that the Bimbo didn’t win.  How funny is that to have a late night call from your Octogenarian Mom late at night about “Dancing with the Stars?”  Then, this afternoon, Dad calls and starts telling me stupid golf jokes...I don’t even understand golf but his cackling was enough to make me laugh my ass off.

My siblings.  Jane who keeps me sane.  Bunny who is always funny.  Andy who is dandy.  And, after all these years, Matt the brat.  I am hoping and praying that his status will change since there’s now one missing. 

With those siblings come some wonderful gifts...thank you, God, for Jen, for Fred, for Cindy and the nieces and nephews who come with that beautiful gift wrapped package.

I am grateful that we will no longer dread what might happen during the holidays.  I am grateful that my brother, Jim, is safe and soft in a place that has taken all his anger and petulance away.  He is home.  He’s no angel. The angels are his loving caretakers.  I really believe that he is “sleeping in Heavenly peace” because he has a while to rest before trying this whole thing again.  I know that I’ll have another go-around in another incarnation and I’m ready for things to click and tick the next time.  Never give up on a soul.

I’m grateful for my wonderful friends who continue to care and support me, even though most of them live far away.  Their response with gifts of love to help Mom and Dad through the crisis with Jim just underscores what I always say...I have incredible, wonderful friends.  I love them and miss them always.

I am grateful that I survived a really nasty surgery.  I am ready for a year without injury, illness or surgery.  I respect all my doctors but I would very much like to miss them.

I am grateful that Jimmy loves his life in Denver and is building a new life in this wonderful place. I have so much fun with him...I hope I’m as crazy and fun for him as Gramma was for Dad.  I want him to be able to tell as many funny stories about me as Dad does about Gramma.  She was and always will be my mentor.

Last but not least, my adorable and wonderful furry kids:  Tillie Marie, Roxy Jane, Carson John, Batman and Addie.  Endless joy on a daily basis.  So I go back to my first gratitude.  It was my parents who instilled this love of animals and, thus, gave me the life-long gift of furry, fuzzy and feathered companions who will grace my life until the day I die.

Thank you God.  Thank you family.  Thank you, Friends.  Happy Thanksgiving.

I'M BAAAAAAAACK

Well, this has been quite the Autumn. Jim's passing has led to some of my wonderful friends from the Mississippi and Delta Queen sending Mom and Dad donations not only to the Fox Valley Humane Society but also to them to help defer the costs of Jim's funeral.  One of my friends in Florida hooked us up with a place to sell every Corvair part.  I have all these incredible friends who I never get to see...scattered all over the country.  But, tried and true, they come through.

My gardens are yelling at me and I was going to clip everything down and mulch except that it got ridiculously cold and windy so I couldn't do a damned thing.  All which made me ticked off that I missed my perfect garden mulching and planting weekend because I was in Dallas at my company's annual convention.  Yup, standing behind a booth proffering our services and receiving the germ that gave me bronchial pneumonia while I could have been planting flowers that bloom in the spring.  So, now, I still have to figure out how I'm going to prepare my gardens for winter.

Ahhhhh...it feels so good to just complain.  This is my place.  I really hate to be a pain and I can tell the universe and sometimes Jen concurs.  This will now be my running joke because I have one reader.  However, I will now, hopefully propel myself into a wider readership.  Oh, yes.  More important than my brother's death. More important than the fact that Korea has enriched nuclear (Yup...it's pronounced "new-clee-er and not new-cew-ler) abilities...More important than the fact that the Republicans are trying to stop the signing of the START treaty even with this knowledge...

Yes, I'm going to say something that will propel me to stardom on the internet.

BRISTOL PALIN CAN'T FUCKING DANCE.  SHE IS A BIMBO THAT HAS CAUSED THE ABC SERVER TO "ALLEGEDLY" CRASH AND YET, HER VOTES GET THROUGH.  KINDA LIKE 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN, EXCEPT THIS TIME, YOU HAVE TO WATCH HER EVERY WEEK.

In the small world, if the Bimbo wins after they voted off Brandi who was incredible, I will simply stop watching the show.  In the big world, if the Bimbo wins, beware elections.  Just sayin...

TO THE UNIVERSE

Tonight I finally cried...cried and wailed into the arms of my husband who was able to come home for a few days.  He got more than he bargained for.  We both agreed it was all good - and he agreed that nobody will ever know how much I loved my brother.  My son Jimmy says that people read this blog...that the fact that there are not followers doesn't mean that there aren't readers.  I now doubt that because if nobody had a comment to my brother's passing, I doubt that anyone other than my sweet sister-in-law is reading this...and Jen probably wonders why I haven't sent her another message from the universe of Patti Lee.  But I also know that she understands, since she is living the same experience with my brother, Andy.  We are all trying to deal with Jim going home.

I want my family to hold on to somebody.  Jiminy Cricket.  For now, let the song be "When you Wish Upon a Star."  I have something else in the future for you all.  It will unfold.  It's nice to be beholding to nobody but the universe.  It gives not a shit what I say or do.  So I make a promise to all of you, whether you read this or not.  a message of joy will be coming to you soon.  It will make you feel better.  And, Jen, I know you're reading this and I love you.

I AM NOT ALONE

My son, Jimmy tells me that although I do not see followers, people do read my blog.  I doubt that, since I've raised some rather provocative subjects and there hasn't ever been any flurry of response.  However, writing this missive out to the universe has helped me.  I was told that I should write a journal when I had my shoulder accident...that this journal would help me work through my journey as I worked to get better.

Boy Howdy Shit, was that the worst advise I ever received.  All that journal did was focus every single day on the fact that I was in absolute pain and all alone!

They should have told me to do this!  What Jimmy kept telling me to do.  Write a blog.  Write about all the other things in your life besides the fact that you are always in pain!  Write about how Karl Rove is an Asswipe. Write about how the sun hits the window at the perfect time in the morning to make rainbows on the floor of your sunroom.  Write about how Tillie just found a new toy to gut.  Write about how people should treat one another. WRITE ABOUT YOUR LIFE REGARDLESS OF WHOEVER READS IT!

My son told me to start a blog.  I started a blog. Granted: they don't quote me on Huffington Post and nobody credits me with "Old Broad Wisdom says..."

Still, I have somewhere to go. It's 11:30 at night and rather than watching television or playing a video game or taking something to help me sleep, I'm writing.  I'm writing something.  So if someday, someone out in the universe is reading this and finds comfort, laughter, or friendship, even if I never know about it, how great is that??

I have always known that my place in the world is to make a difference for others.  I now believe that God made me a goofy, screwy, sexy, silly, fat, cute, talented, nutbag of a human being in order for me to be available to every single person...how could anyone be intimidated by someone with so very many flaws??? I am meant to find a way to care for all of you.  So, I will continue upon the road before me.

I will write sad, silly, funny, boozy, angry, happy, political, crazy, serious, and ALWAYS honest missives out to the universe.  I will write them for myself and I will write them for you, the wandering soul who might just click on some internet search engine that leads you to my story just when you need it.  For all of you and for me, here I am.  The old broad.  I am beginning to like myself.  That, alone, is a major accomplishment.