IT'S TIME

I rehearsed a song that I used to do as a matter of course in my sets and then had to rest for a ridiculous amount of time.  This National Jewish better live up to its name because this breathing thing has me at the ends of my patience.  I want to take a deep breath!

It has, of course, given me new empathy for people with breathing disorders...takes one to know one...I have odd moments when I can take a full breath, which I used to take as a matter of life.  Again and again, I am reminded that every single moment and everything that happens in the course of a day is a miracle.  I just have to figure out a way to avoid wasting this miracle.

I just watched an old Nora Ephron movie that I forgot about..."My Blue Heaven" with Steve Martin and Rick Moranis...I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!  Vinnie is Rocket and it's just full of love and fun and I forgot about worrying for a moment.

I have a voice that keeps telling me that no matter how much I do, it's not enough.  I actually know that this is true because I really believe that I'm supposed to do something with a kid's choir and I haven't figured out how to do it.  I wish I had followers because they could possibly help me.

I think I should be clocking out at 5 and at a community center by 6 or 6:30 with a bunch of kids who I teach to sing and create and then we go and do concerts.  Like what was done for me when I was in high school.  That group of singers saved me.

I'm sick and I'm tired and I know part of it is true disease but I think that part of it is not having a reason to live.  A reason to pull every ounce of passion I have out of my old, tired, sick, fat body into showing up just once more.

I need someone to help me do this. If ever the times called for it, it is now.  Perhaps it is my time.  Followers or not, I have to figure out a way to do this. I still have the heart of a true believer.  Maybe it's just time I show it.

WHAT CAN I SAY

I am really tired.  I've found out there's a reason for that...I have a condition that causes me to lose oxygen every time I walk around.  Now if I'm sitting still, or even swimming or using my "bean" which I rock to exercise my stomach muscles, I feel okay.  But if I get up to...say...do my garden, or vacuum, or even do the dishes, I'm out of breath.

I'm going to the best place for breathing issues in the country.  I won't elaborate on that any more.  I'm just pissed about it.

I quit smoking in 1987.  I worked out.  I did everything right.  I'm so tired of being sick, overweight (which now may have an explanation...lack of oxygen which leads to lack of ability to do anything strenuous) and tired.

This is nothing but a rant.  I don't want to be sick.  I don't like the couch.  It's getting permanent indentations from my big ass.  I want to do stuff.  Like even walk the dogs, for Christ's sake!

I should be going to bed and I'm all worked up because all this has come down in the past couple days.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I'm too fucking young to be this old.

Over and out...the old broad.  I don't have one single sunshiney wisdom to share today.  I'm a wet hen...and that's pretty damned mad.

THE TIMELINE OF GRIEF

I have been thinking about all the friends and family I have lost in the last few months.  It's strange how one can miss people who have been absent from your life.  I think it's because you grew accustomed to the fact that they were there...whether you attended your rose or not.

I'm referencing, of course, "The Little Prince."  How he put his rose in a glass globe and attended all of its needs, regardless the reward.  The reward was in the tending.

Conversely, there are those who really don't want to think of these things...I have been told by a family member that she distinctly does not want my "preaching" as regards bringing peace into our lives and forgiving.  I have to accept that as well.

Everyone has their own process of grieving and dealing with what life brings to us.  I have to accept the fact that I am not in charge of how others grieve...or how they deal with loss.  While I cry and try to lift up good memories, some people have to work through years of anger before they can even get to a good memory.

And so it goes.  I've lost a brother and a lot of friends in the past few months.  Today, mid-afternoon, Jimmy came over very cheerful and upbeat and I told him that I didn't know why but I just had this feeling of pervading sadness.  I think it all caught up to me.

I will do my minute for the world tomorrow.  No matter what the loss I feel tonight, friends whom I have loved and lost, it can't compare with the hurt around the world.  I won't minimize my feeling but to spend a few moments in silent reflection for those whose loss I can't even comprehend will, I believe, help to bring about a healing.

In the meantime, to the world who will never read this I still know you are out there and I send my love.  I am but a moment's sunlight fading on the grass.  In that context, let my sunlight send love to the universe.  I am not perfect...but I keep trying.

WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

I suffer from eternal survivor guilt.  That is when a nice thing happens in your life, you immediately feel guilty because so many people are suffering.  And because I now get to sing a few nights every month, that has brought tremendous joy into my life.

When I see the suffering that is happening all over the world...particularly Japan but also the unemployment here, the nut-job Wisconsin Governor with his minions in the house and kids dying all over Indonesia and Africa just because they don't have enough mosquito nets to prevent Malaria...don't get me started on animal abuse...

You see what I'm saying.  It's overwhelming.  So I have come up with a plan.  It's a combination of a serenity prayer and a call to action.  I invite any and all of you to forward this to your friends. Perhaps we can calm ourselves and still make a difference.

I'm calling my plan "ONE MINUTE FOR EVERYONE."

Here's how it works.  Once you get up in the morning and get all your morning "stuff" done...whatever that entails...shower, shampoo, shave, breakfast, kids to school...this does not include the self indulgent stuff like the morning workout, power walking...those can wait for one minute...I think you know what I mean.

After you take care of  your immediate morning essentials, sit down and if you are really pressed for time, go ahead and set your egg timer or whatever for 60 seconds.

Take one minute to reflect upon what's happening in the world that we share with so many.  Embrace them in your mind.  Ask God or Jesus or whatever higher power you may believe in to surround them in light.  If you have means and something- Japan, kids, animals, starving children, Alzheimers...Good Lord, the list could go on forever...comes to your mind, find a way to give even $5.  Trust me, every penny helps.

If you can't give anything, just give them your one minute.  Just think if the whole world concentrated one minute on the welfare of others.  There is power in our thoughts and there is power in prayer...there is power in setting aside a time when nothing else matters.

What I am saying is that 60 seconds out of your life can make a difference.  Believe it or not, it will also make a difference in you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Tomorrow is my brother Jim's birthday.  It's the first one in a long time when I believe he will be happy.  He's not alone any more.  He doesn't have to try to figure out how to finagle his way through the next day...time doesn't matter now.  He is loved, he is safe and he is home.  Happy Birthday, J.P.  I celebrate your new life.

DELANEY

I usually don't write about kids dying.  It's one of those unbearably sad things and seems to serve no purpose except to evoke tears.

This is different because of the little girl. Delaney lives in rural Colorado...they didn't divulge her age, just saying that they "celebrated" an early birthday because she has a rare brain cancer that only affects about 200 people in the entire country in a year.  No cure, no hope of a miracle.

I guess that's what drew me to this story and to watch it rather than to choose to turn off the TV...I wanted to see what this tiny little soul who looks to me to be about 5 years old, had to say.

Delaney loves animals, loves to paint, and loves the sky.  She will be gone within the next few weeks.  Her parents have accepted the inevitable and they were all so beautifully non-dramatic...which made their palpable sadness even more poignant.

Delaney's Mom said that Delaney keeps saying "Mom, I'm so lucky...I'm going to die."  Her Mom asked her "Who told you that?"  Delaney answered:  "God."

I have long believed that if you want to know what and who God really is, talk to really little kids, because they are so close to having been with God.  I believe that Delaney still remembers what it felt like to be there.

Then the newscaster asked Delaney if she had a message for people who were not dying.  Delaney said:
"You should all hug each other...and you should have color in your lives."

Delaney, I agree.  I will be thinking of you as you journey back to your status as an angel.

I SHALL NOT BE MOVED

I shall not, I shall not be moved
I shall not, I shall not be moved
Just like a tree that's standing by the water
I shall not be moved.
I sent this email to Ed Schultz tonight. I don't know if it will matter but what we all stand for matters and there are thousands of us across this great nation. We are not bankers, we are not millionaires, we are not hedge fund owners, we are not a part of the problem. We are the hard working solution that will inevitably save this country. Our dark nights are not over but we are a part of a cause that will be seen as a movement that captured our country back from the corporatists and elite wealthy who believe that they have won in the purchase of our republic.

We matter as teachers, we matter as workers, and we matter as those who strive every day to make a better life for those who cross our path.

Here's my letter to Ed:

Dear Ed: I've been fortunate to see you twice in Colorado. I'm a born and raised a Wisconsin Badger and I'd like to give you this information...

I'll tell you about teachers and union leaders in Wisconsin. My brother, Andy Nirschl, was the last union member at "Mid Tech" Papermill in Kimberly, Wisconsin, when the hedge fund that owned that Mill put them out of work. They wouldn't run it, they wouldn't sell it...they just waited to collect the money from its failure while a whole community was put out of work. He led every grassroots campaign there was to be held to "RUN IT OR SELL IT."

He is the son of a teacher. he is now the LETC Case Manager Fox Cities Workforce Development ( 920-968-6043)

My father taught at Kimberly High School for 36 years. In that time, he developed a program that included every sport, right down to Badminton and Bowling, in order to make kids active. We used to sit in the family room and help him re-string badminton rackets and tennis rackets after dinner...after our homework. After he had coached and mentored three generations of kids who wouldn't have graduated without the opportunity to play for him.

He's in the Wisconsin Baseball Hall of Fame but that's not what he talks about at 87 years old. He talks about the kids, when he's in the bank, or at a cafe, who are in their 60's, who thank him not only for what he did for them, but for what he did for their kid.  Somewhere toward the end of his career, the Teacher's Union actually made it possible for him to have a decent retirement. (Preisely the fund that is now in jeopardy.)

I don't think my father should apologize for working every summer in addition to what amounted to a minimum of a 70 hour week,(and being a great Dad, he always made it a game to see who could weave a tennis or badminton racket the fastest) while also being a Dad who painfully sat through my music recitals that included his favorite violin player who never seemed to improve.

What I take from this is that Governor Walker resents that my Dad doesn't have to work at McDonald's at the age of 87 to supplement his living.

My Dad is so angry about all of this that I don't know if you'd be prepared to deal with his "going on 88" ticked off interview. If you want to talk to someone who knows the scoop,my brother, Andy Nirschl, can be reached at 920-766-4241.

If you think you'd like to brave what will be an entertaining, sarcastic and brilliant interview, My Dad who is known state-wide and even beyond the state by folks like Paul Molitor and Tony Kubek, go for it: My Dad's phone number is 920-788-2030.

If you'd like any more information on these and more great Wisconsin tell it like it is interviews, (My sister is a former cop and my brother-in-law is still a cop) I'm at 720-859-7822 (Landline) or 970-394-4059 (Cell)

ON WISCONSIN.

“The essential humanity of men can be protected and preserved only where government must answer — not just to the wealthy, not just to those of a particular religion, or a particular race, but to all its people.” Robert F. Kennedy